If you are truly a beginner and new to the gym, let me be the first to say, “welcome!” Taking your first steps into or maybe back into the gym is difficult and you just did more than most are willing to do, take some initiative! I would encourage you to keep that initiative and momentum going and invest some time in learning correct form, organizing your workouts and using proper nutrition so you can better reach your goals.
If you are not a beginner and find this article offends you, keep reading. This is what everyone around you wants to say but is too nice or busy to interrupt your “pump sesh” to say.
If the following stings a bit, suck it up. This is for you.
1. Lift with a damn purpose! Far too often I see the gym bro walking around moving from machine to machine addressing mirror muscles only (biceps, triceps, chest, arms, and bis again). They have no clue what a routine is like or what muscle mind connection is. The sole purpose of this person is to obtain the “bar-body”, because every successful pump is celebrated with shots of rumple and house music. Stop! You’re wasting your and everyone else’s time who is waiting on you to stop curling in the squat rack. Here is a quick guide I came up with to tell if you’re exerting yourself enough to get “dem gainz.”
Are you sweating? Are you breathing heavily at the end of each set? Can you feel your heart pounding in your chest? If you have answered no to those, go home. You’ll get the same results there.
2. Stop chasing body weight. Just because you slap a “#gains” on a table full of shit food doesn’t actually mean you’re receiving quality muscle mass. Now if you just wish to be fat and make your next summer diet harder on yourself, by all means, do stay-puffy! It’s like a rite of passage today to see who can pack on the most useless sloppy weight in the “bulk” season. Whatever that means!
Big surprise, the body is more responsive at a leaner body fat percentage and the food that’s good for you during prep, is also good for you during “improvement” season. If you really want to impress, show everyone you can put on quality weight and have the discipline to know when enough is enough!
3. Form! Please refrain from the “fish outta water” flops to help finish the rep on barbell curls. Besides being obnoxiously entertaining to most of us, we are actually concerned with your safety as well. Believe it or not you won’t be judged by the amount of weight curled correctly, however be prepared to be judged and pointed at when you start your second set of 5 hang clean barbell curls! Bury the ego and execute the lift properly, that gets you respect in the gym regardless of the weigh your using, Broseph!
4. Nutrition before supplementation! The secret to gaining quality muscle tissue is totally determined by your supplement stack, right? Wrong! Everyone wants to ask people they admire in the gym “what are you on, bro?” What you need to be asking is “what in the hell are you eating?” If you aren’t even following a nutrition plan for what you specifically want to achieve, then just save your pocket change for those shots later, play boy. There’s nothing that’s going to help your “gains” when you eat 2k cals a day and drink 2k cals in booze at night before hitting 4th meal on the way home. If your idea of a meal is picking up a sack through a window and not a fork, all the winni in Venice Beach won’t make you look like a body builder!
5. Don’t be an Ask-hole!
Ask-hole: that guy in the flip-flops and bro tank that always asks you for advice only to cut you off and explain why his way “works” better for him than what you suggested.
I love helping others out who genuinely want to learn. I myself will ask questions or even ask if I can workout with others whom I feel can help me progress and learn new ways to improve.
If you are asking a question just to start up a conversation so you can hear yourself talk shop, Piss off, Bro Montana!
Of course this list could go on and on with misinformed gym goers, botched technique and nutrition heresy’s! I’ll stop with 5 so yours and my blood pleasure can stabilize!
All jokes aside if you are going to spend your most valuable asset, time, in the gym, make sure you are getting something out of it. Life’s rules, societal courtesies, and common sense don’t stop at the gym doors. WORK HARD for what you want, learn how to better yourself and be a nice guy!
Until Next time…Stay Wicked!